This morning I had a consultant appointment at my local hospital. Due to having such a big baby last time and a virus in my 20’s called guillain barre syndrome my midwife thought it best to refer me.
It is not something I shout about, I mean, who wants to hear about the fact my legs go completely numb when I sit down for long spells, or the fact I have no heat sensation and the shameful fact that when I have really bad spells it also effects my bladder.
I prefer to take the cards I have been dealt with and get on with me life, these things have become so normal to me now I am desensitised to the way this condition has left me.
I was referred to a consultant when I had Leo – due to the after affects of GBS – but they decided I didn’t need to be consultant led. Little did we know that we were expecting a massive 10lb 3 baby.
Initially, I thought the same would happen this time, however, as Leo was so big raises a lot of concern. It is very likely that this baby will also grow big.
The other factor is that due to my traumatic birth last time, by having an epidural and a spinal injection during that birth, I was left with a numb heel for quite sometime after my surgery.
So, from what I gathered today they are worried about the spinal injection and effect it will have on my legs. A vaginal birth is not an option due to the physical and mental affects of my previous birth.
I wont lie – I left feeling anxious for the first time in a long time, but I am reassured that by now being referred to a neurologist and an anaesthetist, along with a series of growth scans and glucose checks, me and baby are going to be well looked after.
The point of this is that no pregnancy is plain sailing and very little pregnancies are ideal, but you have to stay positive, as I know when the time comes I will need to have a very strong mind to over come the fears and the PTSD I experienced in my last birth.
I have just signed up to The Modern Midwife’s The Pregnancy, Birth & Postnatal Bundle as I think this will really help me to get into a positive head space. .
During my last pregnancy the KGH hypnobirthing course I took led me to believe that intervention during pregancy was wrong, I now believe this after having my own experience to be a load of BS. I believe its your body and your baby so you decide.